


Invisible string tying you to me

by ourvelvetscars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Wings, Blood, Cas being in pain, Castiel and Dean Winchester in Love, Check trigger warnings please - Freeform, Cuddling & Snuggling, Dean healing, Dean winchester communicating, Folklore, Forgiveness, Language of Flowers, M/M, Magic, Pain, Spells & Enchantments, The ending is cute though I promise, Torture, Verbal Abuse
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-06
Updated: 2020-09-06
Packaged: 2021-03-06 17:35:11
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,028
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26312740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ourvelvetscars/pseuds/ourvelvetscars
Summary: When a horrific spell takes control of Dean, he ends up hurting the people he loves. Dean tries to heal but how does one move on when he hurt his best friend? Dean struggles to forgive himself, but with the help of others, he begins to heal. Castiel knows Dean's never been good with words, but he's still surprised when he wakes up to find flowers on his bed-side table, one night after another...
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Comments: 5
Kudos: 76





	Invisible string tying you to me

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warning: Blood, Torture, Vomiting, Verbal abuse, A lot of Cas being in pain  
> Please don't read if you're uncomfortable with the tw.  
> -  
> This story has been sitting on my laptop since 2019 and I thought I might as well post it here and see what you guys think!

**_ ACT I - Exile  _ **

_So step right out, there is no amount_

_Of crying, I can do for you_

_All this time_

_We always walked a very thin line_

Dean tried talking to Cas but every time he did, Cas walked away and refused to look him in the eye, leaving the hunter very confused and lost. It got so bad that Cas couldn't even stand to be in the same _room_ as Dean. Dean finally caved in and asked Sam what was happening. 

“Dean, it’s better if you didn’t know…” Sam said, fiddling with his thumbs, which was not helpful at all. If anything, this infuriated Dean even more. 

Dean shook his head, "Sam, come on. Cas won’t talk to me, look at me or stay in the same frigging room as me. What happened?” 

Sam hesitated before going, "Dean, you hurt him, pretty bad." Dean held his breath, falling into a cold silence. 

"During the last few moments of the spell, it got really nasty, Dean. You said some shit to Cas, but Cas still stood his ground. He tried to bring you back. And then- then- you punched him. And you didn't stop. When Cas was weak, you- you took his angel blade and you- cut him up, straight down the chest. I walked in time to stop you from doing anything worse, but Cas- Cas was broken."

Dean felt like he got slapped across the face. He was slowly starting to remember. Vague memories and snippets of him yelling at Cas in the bunker. The look of absolute shock and betrayal on the angel’s face. Castiel on his knees begging, Cas with a bloody face, Dean punching him, all that anger, regret, the pain just ripping out of his fist and into the angel’s face. And then he took the blade, pushed Cas down to the floor between his legs, and ripped his shirt apart. Dean remembered moving the angel blade down Castiel's chest hard enough to leave a trail of blood behind. The hunter closed his eyes, shaking his head.

"No, not Cas. I wouldn’t do that to him.”

"Dean, you were under a spell. Cas forgave you, but I think- I think it still pains to see you. I gave in and called Rowena, but Cas never gave up hope that you would come back to him. That you would fight the spell. But you didn't, hell, you _couldn’t_. And now- he's- I don't know Dean, he just needs time," Sam said quietly. 

Dean clenched his fists, "What did I say to him?" 

"Sorry. I wasn't there, I don’t know," Sam replied. Dean cursed, blinking out the tears, and threw his phone across the room which shocked Sam. He stormed out without another word. Sam watched the pieces of Dean’s phone where it shattered and remained battered on the floor. 

* * *

Dean found Cas in his room, going through some old lore books. Cas was surprised to find Dean standing by the door, looking pale as though he had seen… well not a ghost, Dean would be thrilled to see a ghost, but perhaps something even worse.

"Dean?" Cas asked, finally looking at Dean for the first time in days. 

"Sam just told me what happened when I was under the spell. Cas, what did I say to you?" Dean asked. He needed to know. He HAD to know. He had to know how bad it was so that he could punish himself accordingly for hurting his angel, his best friend. 

Cas's eyes went wide as he frowned, "I told him not to tell you."

"Cas, what did I say?" Dean asked again. 

“Dean, forget about it,” Cas tried. 

“No, Cas, I’m starting to remember. I don’t remember what I said, but I remember what I did. How I punched you until you were bloody and broken. I was so… _angry._ The spell honed into that anger and then, I used your blade to- to-” he couldn’t bring himself to finish the sentence, “Cas, _please_.”

Cas stood up, closing the book he was reading. He walked up to Dean but only just a little, "You called me a failure. You said I was the reason everything went wrong in your life. You said- you said everything I touch, I break, and that I poison everyone I love. You said a lot about how I was the worst person and how much you hated me." 

Dean had to hold the door frame for support because his legs were about to give in. He refused to believe that those words came out of his mouth at all. 

"Dean, I know you didn't mean any of it," Cas said slowly. 

"What else did I say?" Dean asked, eyes focused on Cas.

Cas hesitated because he knew this would break Dean as much as it had broken him, "You said you could never love me. You said you wished we had never met in that barn. You said you didn't WANT to love me."

Dean's breath got stuck in his throat and suddenly he felt like he couldn't breathe. His vision started to blur, and his heart started to speed up. He remembered the whole conversation now. It had started with this itch he couldn’t scratch, the spell slowly breaking lose inside him. 

_Dean pushed Castiel against the wall, his eyes filled with fury, anger and pain. Cas hated seeing Dean like this. The spell was honing into Dean’s rage, even though Dean was doing his best to fight it. But the magic was strong and much stronger than the older Winchester brother._

_Dean started yelling, pointing accusingly, “You are NOTHING, Castiel.”_

_Cas flinched. Dean never used his full name unless he was serious._

_“You’re the reason for all of this. YOU broke me. YOU make me weak and vulnerable and it’s_ pathetic _,” Dean spat out, “Your love is poison. Everything you touch, everything you love, just falls apart and breaks. I was strong before I met YOU. YOU did this to me. Your stupid pathetic weak ass. You’re a failure, you know that? You couldn’t lead an army, you couldn’t fight. You’re weak, Castiel.”_

_Cas shook his head, “This isn’t you talking, Dean. I need you to fight this spell.”_

_“This ain’t the spell, angel. This is me. Just coming out and saying how I feel. I always wondered why I was so drawn to you, how I could ever love or care for a weak, insufferable, manipulative bastard like you. I don’t want you anymore, Castiel,” Dean’s words cut like a 1000 knives, all digging into Castiel’s chest at the same time._

_Cas took a few steps forward, determined, “Dean, you can fight this. Please, you have to fight this.”_

_“I wish we never met in that barn. I wish I killed you when I had the chance. I wish I never loved you. I don’t WANT to love you, Castiel. You’re a burden, dead-weight. And I hate you for it,” Dean said. Before Cas could reply, Dean grabbed Cas by his coat and punched him. Cas didn’t fight back. Dean kept punching the angel, focusing all his energy, anger, rage, frustration, pain and loss into those punches. Castiel never fought back. He only asked Dean to come back._

_“You’re pathetic,” Dean hissed in return. He pushed Cas to the floor, swinging his legs around and placing himself on top of the angel. Dean pulled out the angel blade and made a small indent on Castiel’s neck._

_“Dean, please,” Cas groaned, gripping Dean's arm helplessly._

_Dean frowned as if he was fighting an internal battle nobody knew about, but the moment of hesitation only lasted a few seconds before the hunter ripped open Castiel’s white (a little blood-stained) shirt. Cas kept his eyes firmly on Dean, even as Dean dragged the angel blade down Castiel’s chest hard, leaving a jagged trail of blood behind. Cas screamed a shrilling scream that echoed through the walls of the bunker. Cas begged Dean to come back. Over and over again. But Dean never did. Castiel’s outcry brought Sam to the bunker, shell shocked to find the scene before him._

_“No, Dean!” Sam sprinted to his brother, grabbing him from behind, causing Dean to drop the blade. Sam quickly used his foot to slide the blade away. Dean was strong, stronger now with the spell backing him up, but Sam reacted quickly, grabbing a baseball he had brought with him and knocked Dean out cold. He looked at Castiel, who was watching Sam with sad and broken eyes._

_Sam carried Dean to his room, and then rushed back to help Cas. Cas remained silent and unmoving. Sam didn’t know what Dean had said or what more damage he did, but he never asked. Cas thanked Sam, only saying, “When Dean gets better, we don’t tell him about any of this, alright?”_

_Sam frowned, “Are you sure?”_

_Cas nodded, “Yes. If he realized what he did, it would tear him apart, and I would lose Dean forever.”_

_Sam saw the pain etched in Castiel’s face. He hated this but he agreed to stay quiet._

Cas noticed how Dean was barely holding himself upright. Dean’s breathing fastened as he backed away from Cas’s room quickly.

"Dean? Dean," Cas went over to Dean.

“Stop!” Dean yelled. Cas flinched and stepped back.

“Why didn’t you fucking tell me?” Dean asked, his voice sounding small and weak. 

“Because I was scared you would react like this. I was scared I would lose you,” Cas said. 

Dean closed his eyes, “Fuck. I have to go. I’m-“ he looked at Cas, “I’m so sorry.” 

* * *

Dean drove fast, recklessly. He couldn’t get the images of Cas screaming out of his head. He drove faster and faster until his stomach started to churn. Dean slowed and hit the brakes, pulling the impala to the side of the road. He immediately opened the door and threw up. Dean stayed there, feeling nauseated, uneasy and overall like absolute shit. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw Cas, blood-stained and beaten. 

After a few minutes, Sam found Dean on the side of the road, throwing up still. It was the third time Dean had thrown up his guts all over the ground. Sam went over and helped his brother. 

After Dean got himself together, he looked at Sam. Sam noticed his red eyes, the puffy pink nose, Dean's messy hair, and Sam just _knew._

"Let's go back home, Dean," Sam said, without asking for an explanation. 

"I can't go back there." 

Sam observed Dean but before he could say anything, Dean spoke, "I broke him. I said he was the reason everything went wrong in our lives, that he was poison. Shit, Sam, I said I could never love him, that I didn't WANT to love him. Why did I say that? Why would I EVER say that? It's Cas. I would never say that." 

Sam looked as stunned as Dean felt, but he only replied with, "It was the spell, Dean. It was the spell. It wasn't you. And Cas knows that."

"He hates me," Dean said, his voice breaking mid-sentence. 

"No, he doesn't. Dean, Cas could never hate you. He just needs some time to pull through this. You both do," Sam said gently. 

"I hurt him, Sam! Of course, he hates me! No wonder he can't even look me in the fucking eye. I was supposed to be his _friend_. I was supposed to look after him and care for him, but instead I-" Dean never got to finish his sentence as he started feeling nauseated again. Dean threw up _again_. At this point, there was nothing to throw up. But every time he thought about Cas, his stomach stirred threatening him.

His brother held him close, "Let's find a motel and crash there for tonight, okay?" Dean looked at his brother, and suddenly he felt small. He was the one who was supposed to be looking after Sam. But at that moment, he nodded, letting Sam look after _him_ for once. 

**_ ACT II - My tears ricochet  _ **

_We gather stones, never knowing what they'll mean_

_Some to throw, some to make a diamond ring_

_You know I didn't want to have to haunt you_

_But what a ghostly scene_

Dean and Cas avoided each other for an entire week. Dean never spoke to him, and Cas didn’t try either. Dean caught Cas staring at him a few times, but he pretended not to notice. When they went on hunts, Dean made sure he was never alone with Cas. Sometimes, Cas just didn’t join them on their hunts, which Dean was grateful for. Cas never tried to speak to him. Cas never let himself be alone in the same room as Dean. It hurt, but Dean couldn’t get himself to say anything. What could he say that would make the pain go away? I’m sorry for almost killing you? I’m sorry for what I said? I’m sorry for calling you weak? I’m sorry I hurt you? Nothing would make up for what Dean did and he knew that well.

It was an early Monday morning, when Sam left the kitchen abruptly, leaving Dean and Cas alone for the first time in a week. Cas stood up, excusing himself ready to leave when Dean mustered up the courage to speak up. 

“Cas, stop.” 

Cas didn’t turn around, he didn’t want to face Dean. He couldn’t. 

“Cas, I- I’m sorry,” Dean said. 

“I know,” Cas muttered. 

Dean watched Cas turn on his heels, and their eyes met after avoiding each other for a whole week. 

Dean felt nauseated again, he put a hand to his stomach. Cas frowned noticing something wasn’t quite right. Dean muttered a small “sorry” before hurriedly leaving the kitchen. 

Dean went back to his bathroom, kneeled over the toilet and let out last night’s dinner. He didn’t hear Cas calling his name. He didn’t see Cas fast walking, almost jogging, to get to Dean’s side. He didn’t feel Cas wrap his arms around Dean, holding him upright as Dean emptied his guts. Dean closed his eyes, feeling extremely light-headed and weak. Cas held him, not saying a word. Dean’s head lulled and fell back into Cas's chest. 

“What’s going on with you?” Cas asked, disconcerted.

Dean squeezed his eyes shut, afraid that if he opened them and saw Cas, he would be puking his bile acids out to the toilet again. 

“Dean, I’m worried about you,” Cas said. Dean heard Cas’s voice in his ear, it was gentle and quiet but concerned. 

“I can’t do this, anymore. Every time I look at you, I just- I end up puking my guts out,” Dean said quietly. 

“This is about what happened between us that day, isn’t it? Your body isn’t reacting well to all this stress, pain and trauma. Does Sam know?” Cas asked. 

Dean nodded, “He just knows I get fucking nauseated every time we’re in the same fucking room.”

Cas closed his eyes, “Dean, you need to let this go. It’s tearing you apart.” 

“I hurt you. I hurt you, and I can never take that back,” Dean said, the weird uneasy feeling coming back from his stomach up to his throat. Dean groaned as he threw up again.

“Dean, listen to me. What you did, it was the spell. I forgive you. Do you hear me? I forgive you, Dean. I can’t watch you rip yourself apart like this. Let me help,” Cas said. 

Dean opened his eyes at last, and looked at Cas, “How _the fuck_ can you help?” 

“I can heal you, make you feel, better.” 

Dean shook his head, “I don’t deserve that.” Cas told him to shut up and Dean, for the first time, did as he was told. Cas closed his eyes, letting his grace heal Dean, and make him feel whole again.

“Better?” Cas said watching him. 

“What if I puke again?” Dean asked. 

“You won’t. I forgave you, but now you need to forgive yourself. I miss you, Dean,” Cas said. Dean closed his eyes letting his heavy headrest on Cas. 

“I helped you heal, but the rest of the healing is up to you, okay? I’ll leave you alone now,” Cas said. He squeezed Dean’s shoulder reassuringly and left. 

**_ ACT III- Invisible String  _ **

_Time, mystical time_

_Cutting me open, then healing me fine_

_Were there clues I didn't see?_

_And isn't it just so pretty to think_

_All along there was some_

_Invisible string_

_Tying you to me?_

Dean spent the next week, trying to take Cas’s advice and heal. He didn’t even know where to start. Cas went on more hunts with them, but he was still reluctant and hesitant when approaching Dean. Sam never asked what happened between them, but he supported Dean whole-heartedly. Dean made sure to never raise his voice, even when he got pissed off again, and it helped. He kept his temper under check, although that was much easier said than done. Cas was right, he didn’t throw up again. He smiled and nodded, and did his best to act normal around Cas, and Cas started to ease up to him as well. It was a slow and painful process, but healing couldn’t be rushed. 

Dean wanted to speak to Cas, to just talk and lay things out in the open, before he started to lose his frigging mind. He wanted to make it up to Cas, somehow, to show him that everything he said that horrible day was wrong, and that he was sorry, but he didn’t know where to start. Dean could never work up the nerve to talk to Cas, so he found other ways to communicate instead. The first night Cas fell asleep, Dean left a handwritten note that read: 

_I don't know what I can do to make up for how much pain I put you through, but I want to try._

_Yours,_

_Dean._

The second night, Dean left Cas a small gift and a note. It was a small statue of a bee.

The note read: 

_I wanted to show you my appreciation, so I hope you like this gift. You've been there for me since the beginning. Thank you._

_Again, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean what I said. I want to work this out with you, I just don't know HOW._

_Yours,_

_Dean._

The third night Dean left purple hyacinth flowers by Cas's bed-side table. Cas woke up, extremely confused. But he had lived long enough to know the meaning of flowers like the back of his hand. He knew these flowers meant regret. Dean was asking for forgiveness. 

The fourth night, Cas woke up to a few chrysanthemum flowers. Hope. Love. Friendship. 

Dean really thought he was going to lose his fucking mind, as on the fifth night, he left purple lilacs. Love and passion.

The sixth night, Dean almost tripped as he left a white chrysanthemum by the table. Truth and a loyal love.

The seventh night, Cas woke up to red tulips. And Cas couldn't stop staring at the beautiful red flowers, tracing the vibrant petals between his fingers. Tulips. Love. A declaration of love.

That morning Cas placed the tulips in the vase alongside all the others. It was a strange mix of flowers and Cas wondered where Dean even got half of them but then decided not to ponder on it. Cas walked into the kitchen to get a glass of water when he saw Dean trying to make breakfast and failing miserably. He was trying to make pancakes, but they were all burnt. Dean was never a good cook, he had taken after his mother. Dean’s comfortable demeanour immediately tensed up when he looked up and saw Cas. 

"Morning. You're having burnt pancakes today?" Cas asked meekly. 

"By the looks of it, apparently…" Dean just stared at the black pancakes. You couldn't even call them pancakes at this point. 

"I got your flowers," Cas said. Dean dropped the spatula on the pan with a loud cling. Dean didn’t lookup. 

"Thank you, I appreciate them. All of them. The tulips especially." Cas was watching Dean. Dean did not _dare_ look up. Cas _knew._

"Heh, you're welcome I guess," Dean stuttered, peaking a glance at the angel. Cas was smiling, and Dean's entire world suddenly became a whole lot brighter.

"You have a strange way of showing your appreciation, Dean Winchester," Cas said walking up to Dean, "Most people would, you know, talk it out. But you, you talk through notes and flowers." Cas leaned against the counter, watching Dean intensely.

"I'm not good at… _talking,_ " Dean said, nervously. 

"I know. And it's okay. I understood your messages," Cas said. Dean looked at Cas, mesmerised by the intense blue in his eyes. He saw the pain and exhaustion behind Castiel’s eyes and felt a wrench of guilt at the back of his throat.

Dean gulped, "I can't take back what I did to you. How I hurt you, and what I said. But I want to make things right.”

Cas's gentle smile grew, "I told you already Dean. I forgave you. I just needed time and I got that. And you seem to be doing better too."

Dean nodded, “Yeah, I don’t know what you did to me, but I haven’t thrown up again. I feel, good.” 

Cas smirked, “My grace can be used for a wide range of purposes.”

Dean mumbled a small “I bet.” 

Cas walked up to Dean until he was standing right beside him. Cas took the spatula out of his hand and pushed him to the side, “You’re a hopeless case, Winchester. Scoot over so I can make you a real breakfast.”

Dean couldn’t help but grin, “So, what did you do with the flowers?” 

“I put them in a vase, but I want to grow them properly. Especially those tulips, they would look pretty,” Cas said thinking. Tulips. 

* * *

Dean and Cas talked about everything else EXCEPT their relationship status. Dean never brought up the flowers, or what they meant. Cas never asked Dean about it either. They worked together but Dean always felt there was an underlying tension between them. Heck, even Sam could tell something was up. One night, Dean was silently placing new red roses on Cas's bed-side table, when Cas stirred awake. 

"Dean?" Cas asked, rubbing his eyes. 

Dean froze. 

"Dean, you've got to stop this whole secret flower thing," Cas laughed, watching Dean awkwardly straighten his back. 

"It's the last time I swear," Dean said. Cas looked at the flowers, feeling the soft velvet touch of the petals. 

"Red roses, huh? Dean, we should talk about all this," Cas said. He looked at the roses. Red roses. Love, longing, desire. 

Dean shook his head, "I- no."

Cas swung his legs over his bed and stood up, stretching. 

"Dean, I enjoy what we have going on here. But we can't keep this up. I mean sooner or later you’ll run out of flowers,” Cas joked, “I understand what you're trying to tell me with the flowers, I do. But we need to _talk."_ Cas gazed at Dean desperately searching for answers in Dean's eyes. 

"Oh yeah? What am I trying to tell you?" Dean asked, hoping Cas would say it so he doesn't have to. 

Cas smiled, realising Dean was hiding behind the bush, "You're trying to tell me how you feel through these flowers. Because it's the only way you know how. I know you, Dean, and I know you get frustrated when you don’t know how to get your message across. But your actions speak numbers. Even when words fail. I know you're scared, but that’s because you care. You care a damn lot, don’t you?"

Dean bit his lips. They were really gonna do this five in the morning, huh?

"Cas, you know I'm not- good with words. Or talking about how I feel," Dean said quietly. 

"I'm not asking for a massive speech, Dean. I need to know exactly how you feel so I can work this out with you. I need to know where we stand," Cas was so gentle and careful when he spoke as if Dean could shatter any moment. Cas saw Dean was very uncomfortable with all of this. He took Dean's hand and kissed the back of it. It was a small and simple gesture but to Dean, it said so much. Dean looked at Cas, and then looked at the roses, and looked back. 

"Ok so- uh, I- uh I like you, Cas. And I hate what I did to you when I was under that spell. I don't want to hurt you, I'm done fighting, and arguing with you. It's honestly fucking exhausting. I hate fighting with you. I just want us to- to be together. To work this out," Dean said slowly. Cas nodded, rubbing the back of Dean's hand. 

"I want you, Cas. I think I always have, but it just- I just hid all my emotions and everything under the fucking rug because I didn't know how to deal with it. But then when you said that I said that I couldn't- lo-love you, I realised it wasn't true. I CAN love you. I WANT to love you. And I NEED you to know that," Dean said, now frowning and breathing hard, trying to get the words out somehow. 

Cas was grinning like an idiot, "I know. I know you love me. I know you care. I know you would never hurt me, and what happened between us, that's long gone, forgotten and forgiven. I don't want you to think about that spell, or what you did. It's in the past. Focus on us, now."

Dean found the strength to look at Cas, and honestly, Cas's smile was so stunning it took his breath away. 

"You did good. And I think we just need to talk and work this out. Thank you for telling me how you feel through the flowers. Thank you for trying, Dean. I know this is way out of your comfort zone, but I appreciate you going out of your way to think about the flowers and their meanings and getting them for me," Cas smiled and stepped closer to Dean. 

"I mean, I know you've always liked flowers and bees and shit like that," Dean laughed. 

Cas nodded furiously, "Nature is incredible and should be appreciated more. Are you tired? Would you like to stay with me and get some rest?" 

Dean's bit his lips. Telling Cas how he felt was one thing but sleeping with him was something else. 

"It's okay if you don't want to. I just thought you would feel safer and more comfortable with me, than on your own," Cas said, noticing Dean's hesitation.

"Alright, but if you push me off the bed, we're DONE," Dean said smirking. 

Cas laughed wholeheartedly and went back to his bed. Dean made sure the door was closed, and he moved the roses to the vase with the rest of the flowers before joining Cas. 

Cas pulled Dean into him, wrapping their legs together, and pushing their bodies together. Everything felt natural and easy. Being with Dean felt easy. Dean snuggled closer to Cas, laying his head on Cas's chest. Dean felt a weird presence around him, he turned to see if he was Cas's left hand or something, but Cas's hand was on Dean's shoulder. Dean frowned, now very confused and a bit scared. 

"You feel it?" Cas asked shocked. 

"What the _fuck_ is that?" Dean asked worriedly.

"Don't be worried. It's my wings," Cas said watching Dean gasp audibly, "I'm wrapping my wings around you."

"Oh my god," Dean said. 

"I didn't think you would feel its presence, humans usually don't unless… unless they're bonded," Cas said, finishing his sentence quietly. 

"Bonded?" Dean looked at him. 

Cas gulped, "yes, sometimes angels come down to Earth, fall in love and build lives with humans, although it's forbidden. When they become one, the human can sense the angel's wing presence amongst other things. Our connection must be so strong that you can already sense my wings." 

"That's awesome," Dean replied. Cas agreed, holding Dean close to him. 

"Cas, how long?" 

"How long what?"

"How long have you-" Dean stopped not knowing how to finish that sentence. How long have you loved me? How long have you wanted me? How long have you felt this for me? 

But of course, Cas knew what he meant, "oh, it was a gradual thing. I liked you since the day I met you, from hell to that barn when you first stabbed me. And then I think the more I got to know you, the more I fell in love with you. It was gradual and inevitable." 

Dean took a sharp breath in, "When did you know?" 

"Do you remember when Zachariah sent you 5 years into the future once? And when you returned, I pulled you away from him. You told me to never change. And I think at that moment, I knew," Cas said, stroking Dean's hair slowly. 

"But that's fucking YEARS ago, Cas," Dean said. 

"Exactly."

Dean kept wondering, thinking about all the times Cas had risked his life for him. How Cas had done everything in his power to keep him safe. Running away from monsters in Purgatory. Fighting Naomi's mind control. Betraying his own brothers and sisters. Killing angels and breaking Heaven. All of it had been for Dean. 

"Thank you. For every fucking thing you do and have ever done for me," Dean said clutching Cas's coat in his hands. 

Cas kissed Dean's forehead gently which was his way of saying "you're welcome". Dean said goodnight and passed out on Cas's chest as the sun rose slowly above them outside the bunker.

When Dean woke up later the same day, he found that Cas was gone. On the other side of the bed, however, were a beautiful bouquet of vibrant red roses and a note. 

Dean picked up the note reading, 

_I love you too._

_-Cas_

Love, longing, desire.


End file.
